Thursday, September 24, 2009

Former Prez GW Opens Cheer-leading Camp!

We've heard little from our former Prez GW since he left office to most peoples delight. But today GW announced the opening of his cheer-leading camp at his old digs in Crawford Texas!

GW and Laura moved closer to town recently---Dallas---and GW is chomping at the bit to do something in his retirement. He's finished his memoirs, My Pet Goat Vol. II. So, hearkening back to his 'happy daze' at Yale U. where he was an ace cheerleader, GW decided what he could do best for the country he loves is to open a non-denominational, open to all Cheer Leading Camp. GW himself will be the primary instructor and 'leader' of the 'cheerleaders for God, Country and Family Values'.

Crawford, TX seemed to be the best place for the camp since Cindy Sheehan has folded most of her tents there, is no longer throwing rocks at passing cars and moved on to and with the 'birthers' and is assisting them in their work against......well.....about any thing of intelligence........

In an exclusive interview with GW, he was definite and moving forward with his new agenda for 'ahmercah'........GW was giggly when he said a number of high profile figures from all walks of life have signed up for the two week camp. While most cheer-leading camps divide participants by age and gender, GW says his camp is divided by genre....religious, political, sports and entertainment and felons.

GW also commented on the costuming of his 'trainees', saying there was only one requisite: All cheerleaders would wear 3 inch healed cowboy boots. With few exceptions, the majority of the trainees 'are all very short people', he said. GW emphasized that all participants are encouraged to design their own outfits as he believes in independent thought and expression. "Shucks! That's why God gave us a brain.....to THINK, TO ESPRESSS about such things", GW gushed.

A partial list of those who have already signed up are Former VP Dick Cheney and his wife Lynne, Former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh and his pharmacists, Barry Bonds and his pharmacists, old friend and supporter Ken Lay (upon his resurrection), Tom Cruise and two undisclosed alien Scientologists, Larry Craig, Sasha Baron Cohen, Carl Rove, Mark Foley, the Swift Boat crew, and many others ......

Cheney, who remained in D.C. after his administration left office for the purpose of being close to those who want him in jail, said it was time to mend fences with his former 'boss' after saying in his book that GW had gone 'soft' on him in the rear of their tenure in office. Cheney also commented that due to his recent surgeries he wasn't sure how long he could shake those pom poms. Cheney is leaving the costume design to wife Lynne, but said that she had decided to craft yellow crime scene tape into matching tutu's.

Sarah Palin said "I just had to participate, by gosh"......."I'll be able to 'cheerlead' right from my front porch in Wasilla ..... doing praises to God toward all those commies in the Soviet Union". Sarah's memoirs, GOING ROGUE, An American Life (no kidding, this IS the real title), a 400-page book of which Sarah wrote a page and a half, will be on the K-Mart book shelves this coming November 17. Better order yours now because the first hardcover edition will be limited to 1.5 million copies.

Rush Limbaugh could not be reached for comment, but one of his pharmacists said he was at the local truck scale being weighed and was looking forward to cheerleading school for the exercise. It was understood that Limbaugh would be bringing his pharmacists for obvious reasons, but the surprise is that Glenn Beck may be in his entourage to tell stories at the nightly campfire and possibly give Tom Cruise and Larry Craig some brush up acting lessons, especially in the 'tears' department.

Barry Bonds, who was not at the local truck scale being weighed, said he and his pharmacists will be 'playing it cool' at the camp........"........just doing some dooby Jesus stuff", he said.

To hear from Ken Lay we had to call Pat Robertson. As you know he and HE speak all the time and Pat then tells we lesser beings what HE said. Unfortunately, HE didn't have much information saying that Ken wasn't there. We don't know what to make of this information; but we expect Kenny will be a 'no-show' at the camp.

Tom Cruise says he is "ready to get going" with the rest of the stellar participants at the camp. After his recent box office flops, Tom is looking to re-package himself for a new generation. Of course Tom has not let go of his Scientology faith and he and two L. Ron Hubbard space cadets will be distributing books to other happy campers. Tom hopes to unite with Sarah Palin's holy roller roots for a 'good ol' time ' religious evening. With Katie working Broadway in the Big Apple and 3 year old daughter Surie modeling high heel shoes, Tom thought the timing of the camp was perfect. Tom also snickered, ...."you DO know that Larry Craig and Mark Foley will be there too......". Tom was given assurances that he would have a couch to jump on when he's happy.

Larry Craig's lawyers said "Larry is thrilled to be part of GW's Cheerleading Camp", adding he has some new foot moves (called the Under-the-Stall-Idaho-Sneakyfoot) for his cheerleading performance. Larry is encouraging both Tom Cruise and Mark Foley to join him in a 3-way routine.

Sasha Baron Cohen was brief in his statement saying he wasn't sure if he'd be Bruno or Borat at the festivities but will bring his pink Bruno suit with the pink penis just in case....... Sasha thought Larry, Tom and Mark might enjoy the diversion.

Carl Rove still is not sure he can be at the encampment, citing contractual commitments with the 'trash Obama campaigns' through the GOP 'family values' organizations and 'promise keepers'. We'll keep you updated.

Since Mark Foley left office he has undergone alcohol rehab and anti-homosexual therapy with Jim Baker and has landed himself a new job as a radio talk show host in Florida. When we met with Mark he was in top spirit and looked great with his new page-boy hairdo. Mark says, "The past is the past" and "I'm looking forward to going on a head with things as God meant them to be". One of those things will be as a cheerleading trainee at GW's camp. Mark is enthusiastic about the possibility of a 3-way performance with Tom Cruise and old friend Larry Craig, saying, "I'm up for it".

There has been a snag in the Swift Boat crew's participation at the Camp. Through spokesman Joe Wilson, with Joe the plumber at his side, Wilson issued a blunt statement saying, "the Swift Boat crew will not be participating in GW's forthcoming cheerleading camp because they have not been paid for their dirty work in their ads dating back to the 2004 presidential election". Holding pictures of GW, Cheney, and Rove, Wilson said, "YOU LIE".

As the camp gets underway, we will be updating you on the festivities and progress of the participants.

(UPDATE: There has been a change in the camp's first night menu. It seems Cindy Sheehan and her Crawford encampment people fished out all the brim and carp in the local lakes thwarting the plan to have a good ol' fish-fry......but, thinking quickly, GW made a run to the local PetMart, bought all the goldfish and saved the day. GW points out that a fried goldfish tastes almost as good as fried rattlesnake and just like a carp. Sarah Palin said she was prepared to shoot a few coyote for dinner, but GW pointed out that Cheney had thinned out the packs a couple years ago.)

BUT NEXT!

Are You Ready For It? Soon to come, GW'S CHEER-LEADING CAMP--THE MUSICAL!

Remember. You read it here first, folks.

John

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Quick and Dirty Disconnects

The following 'quickies' have been researched for accuracy through at least one reliable source such as factcheck.org and snopes among others.........

1. Blue Dog Democrats......Queen of cash Democrat Senator Blanche Lincoln from Arkansas has added over 325k to her re-election campaign from the health care industry during the first 6 months of this year......hummm....one wonders how she will vote on the upcoming Health Care legislation before congress which will be coming up soon...... meanwhile, fellow Democrat Representative Mike Ross (also from Arkansas) who is playing a key role in the same health care debate sold some commercial property (valued at not more than 100k) in Presott, Ark. in '07 to Arkansas based pharmacy chain USA Drug for 420k according to records. Later, Ross's wife Holly, a pharmacist sold her business, Holly's Pharmacy, to the same company for 500k-$1,000,000.00 (a price well beyond her business's worth according to local sources) and took an extra 100k for not opening a competitive business........and continues to work at Holly's Pharmacy for an undisclosed salary.

Is all this stuff legal?......probably......but in reality it's legalized bribery ... Yes?

Does 'blue dog' democrat = corruption? Does 'democrat' = Corruption? Does republican = corruption?

2. Sarah Palin......yesterday little Sarah made her long awaited first speech since she de-throned herself as Governor of Alaska.....speaking in Hong Kong to world business leaders, Sarah did not disappoint......we have the text of her speech, mostly one syllable words about Alaska and 'Main Street', which is of no consequence....just like Sarah. Bottom line is that participants were struck by her shallowness......several attendees walked out during her speech. But the grumbles of those who stayed to the bitter end were very clear......as one attendee put it and probably speaking for the majority grubbed...."she's just plain dumb......."

.....another attendee said, "I guess facts don't matter..........."

Sources close to Palin say Palin is polishing up her foreign policy resume. What?

3. FOX News TV Ratings......we've been advised that credible TV Rating Systems such as Neilson do not rate Fox News any longer because it's viewed as a 'tabloid' and as such does not report validated news. But we can't substantiate that. Is there anyone out there who can? Meanwhile some broad cable network rating systems reported the following for average weekly viewers:

ESPN---4.5 million
USA---3.3 million
Fox News---2.6 million
CNN---1 million
MSNBC---1 million

(ABC, CBS, and NBC National News programs each garner 8 to 9 million viewers on average.)

If these figures are to be believed, why is there any attention paid to any of the cable broadcasters? Many local radio stations throughout the country have more listeners on a daily basis. So whats the big deal about what anyone says about anyone or any thing on these networks?

John




Monday, September 21, 2009

FOX News---Chris Wallace---Disconnect

Yesterday President Obama appeared on 5 Sunday news shows. Countem' 5! And Chris Wallace Fox Sunday 'News' program wasn't one of them. So now crybaby Chris is crying aloud about the Whitehouse crybabies......so?

President Obama made the rounds on the big and respected Sunday news programs and this time included an all Spanish speaking news program as well, while pushing forward his health care plans for the country. And Chris is still crying.

Well.....duh......Chris.......figure it out. Look at your 'news network' editorial policy toward anything less than an ultra-nut mentality. Did you see one of your producers whipping up a group of anti-health care paid robots before televising their so called grass roots (astro turf) march in D.C. recently? Are you aware that Glenn Beck put old pictures (more than 5 years old) up as 'the march' as real? That Becky boy got the real number of about 70,000 marchers wrong (c'mon, he knows he lied, you know he lied and so do the rest of us know he lied) and presented over 1,000,000 marchers as real? None of the claims here are difficult to find, Chris. This disingenuous stuff from your people, Chris, is monumental and ongoing.

Chris, there is so much more to say about your corporations dishonest, opinionated reporting.....but basically, your 'news' just isn't news. It's ideologue-ism taken to the n-Th degree. Accordingly, your organization has no credibility and by association, you have no credibility either. This plus your tanked ratings would put you out of the running for any responsible subject, the President included, to appear on your show or any other 'show' on 'fox news'.

Keep crying, Chris. But no one is listening or cares.

John

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Joe Wilson---a side bar to the usual DISCONNECT

So, OK, a lot has been said and written, pro and con, about ideologue Joe Wilson's outburst of "you lie" during the Presidents speech last week......So, I'll not go into any great dissertation here about this jerk of a public figure.

Suffice to say that Wilson's outburst came when President Obama said the Health Care Bill did not cover illegal aliens........in which Wilson presented his indignation that Health Care would cover illegal immigrants with his "YOU LIE", remark.

Well, here is a fact! In a GOP Bill in 2003, that provided Federal funds to COVER ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT MEDICAL CARE, JOE WILSON VOTED FOR IT!

To the possum pie eating/Jimmy Swaggart crowd who voted for this demagogue, wake up and smell the coffee......look around your poorish surroundings and figure out that Joe Wilson voted to send your kids to the Neocon Republican 'corporate war' and kill them. Not to 'protect' America; but to line up corporate profit for the 21st century. Get IT!

Look at where the minimal taxes you pay go! And went! Into whose pockets is your money NOW? That which Pat Robertson does not have, Dick Cheney's corporations do have. WAKE UP!

Don't take any thing here as gospel. Research it yourselves. It's not rocket science. Just look up the congressional record on these matters. Read the PNAC Doctrine which was embraced and executed by Cheney and his boys while the poor little pantywaist prez spouted Carl Rove dialog to the public amid an impotent, timid news media.

John

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Why Do Many Right Wing/Conservative Public Figures and Politicians Look Like They Came From the Same Gene Pool?

I've recently been taken by the fact that so many right wing/conservative public figures and politicians, on the Federal and State and Local levels, seem to have come from the same gene pool. And most seem to have come from the Bible Belt. Why is that?

Take a look.......Dick Cheney, Carl Rove, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Pat Robertson, Steve Nunn, Jimmy Swaggart, Jim DeMint, Mike Savage, Joe Wilson, Hannity and most of the Fox News contributors along with Sarah Palin's advisers......the list goes on and on. The common physiognomy of these creatures is noticeable to even a casual observer.

(Sarah? That's...... phys---iog---nomy, meaning nomenclature of the face). (Sarah? That's......no-men---cla (say clay)---ture (sounds like---tour).

Seriously, take a look at the commonalities. Round faces, puffy/fat rosy cheeks, beady eyes. They sweat when they talk. Most don't have necks and most have crooked smiles (meaning they have similar facial musculature). And that's common physiognomy folks!

So, did they come from the same gene pool? Well, there certainly seems to be less than 7 degrees of separation within this group.

There are other similarities as well. Most of them have girth footage greater than their heights. And skinny, under developed legs with fat ankles. And according to unreliable sources, all have been treated for foot fungus in the last year. A dominate genetic trait in some gene pools......... also all are circumcised and none of the circumcisions were done by a moil, except possibly in Mike Savage's case, according to the same unreliable sources. At least one departs from the group (behaviorally) by wearing women's underwear, but we weren't told which one(s). And studies provide that such behavior has genetic roots in all gene pools. Some cavemen wore women's fig leafs according to carbon testing. Even God just does not get it right all the time, folks.

BUT! There is one thing ALL of these people have in common. Their IDEOLOGUE IGNORANCE is only exceeded by their DEMAGOGUE ARROGANCE. Such is common in common gene pools. Still none of this is proof beyond a reasonable doubt that these people come from the same gene pool, although there does seem to be a preponderance of the evidence they do.

Maybe we'll take up their DNA at another time.

FLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Update: September 19, 2009: Breaking News: We've just learned from seriously unconfirmed sources that these people mentioned above DO COME FROM THE SAME GENE POOL. But here's the twist....AND it's a big one. They have been GENETICALLY ENGINEERED from a dastardly, evil medical insurance corporation with the intent of ruling the World.

Stay tuned..................

John


Sunday, September 6, 2009

Former VP Cheney wrapped in Crime Scene Tape and Delivered to The World Court

Undisclosed, unreliable, but credible 'inside' sources tell us that today former U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney was arrested, restrained in yellow (an appropriate symbolic color) CRIME SCENE TAPE and delivered to The World Criminal Court at The Hague in the Netherlands. Cheney will be charged with Crimes of Aggression, Crimes against Humanity, War Crimes and the Crime of being ugly and impotent.

Prosecution will begin soon. Cheney's former boss has 'turned States evidence' and agreed to testify against Cheney in return for being charged with lesser included offenses and a sentence bargain of 4 years probation.

To the chagrin of Sarah Palin, since Cheney will probably be incarcerated for the rest of his life, he will not have to face an Obama Death Panel. "I was so disappointed", Palin said. "I so wanted my 'death panel' theory to be highlighted with a really high prolific figure......uhhhh, or is it profile(?)..........figure............oh well, I can see Cheney's prison from my front porch in Wasilla by gosh", Palin chirped, as she was scissoring out her new paper Barbie clothes for her new cardboard dollies.

You heard it here first, folks.......stay tuned.

Update: September 17, 2009: Today sources reveal that former VP Cheney underwent elective back surgery to correct a disk in his lower back. At the same time, doctors are said to have rerouted the tube from his external colonoscopy (poop) bag from his stomach to his mouth.

Lynn Cheney, the former VP's wife said in a written statement .... "The Dick is doing well after his surgery and a full recovery is expected, although kissing him on the mouth is not recommended at this time".

Meanwhile, Sarah Palin stood by with her self appointed 'death panel' with an eager, watchful eye, according to on the scene sources.

John

Kudos to The Nut Case "BIRTHERS"

So, OK BIRTHERS.......your organization will go down as a footnote in history as being one of the craziest nut-case groups ever to have any notoriety at all. BUT, you did get part of it right.

Obama was not born in Kenya! Obama was born in a manger in Bethlehem. Without health insurance. Satisfied?

John

Thursday, September 3, 2009

'Social Victim' Slaps Toddler at Wallmart---A Folk Hero?

Stone Mountain, Georgia: Yesterday 61-year old Roger Stevens, after listening to a 2-year old toddler screaming and crying in a cart, walked up to the child's mother, Sonya Matthews, and said: "If you don't shut that baby up, I will shut her up for you". The mother didn't and he did!

It is reported that Stevens slapped 'the screamer' four times and the child shut up. Stevens was then arrested on felony charges of 'cruelty to children'.

Looking at a picture of Roger Stevens it is clear he could exact some real damage on anyone if he had his heart in it. According to follow up medical reports, "the child's face was slightly red". The child was not hurt and Stevens was clearly measured with his physical assault.

NOW! If anyone slapped MY CHILD in a similar circumstance the perpetrator would be in ICU forthwith. And I think most parents would feel the same way.

At the same time, certainly, more than 99.99% of us, when hearing and dealing with the inconsiderate rudeness of other parents not controlling their children would not take any physical action at all. In essence, virtually all of us would not do anything when dirty, hacking, coughing screaming, unruly, little children are allowed to run wild and literally take control of public places.

Many parents of small and young children are considerate and conscious of others peace and comfort when their children misbehave. But a lot are not. At one time or another, I'm sure we all have been the victims of the 'social crime' Roger Stevens experienced yesterday. But, we 'victims' never seem to get any justice. Mr. Stevens took justice into his own hands because of the great disconnect between these 'rotten-parent citizens' and the rest of us.

Did Roger Stevens strike a blow or blows, 4 of them in this situation, for those of us who are also 'social victims'? At the movie theater, a big box store, a mall, the grocery store, a restaurant ..... how many times have we been interrupted by a 'screamer' sounding like a shrill Sarah Palin singing The Star Spangled Banner on an iceberg? How about obnoxious pre-teens running up and down isles, pushing and shoving one another, playing on carts and messing with blood pressure machines, spreading their viruses and bacteria while their parents nonchalantly eat their nachos and big-macs? And the rest of us walk in it, hear it, and somehow reluctantly accept this tyranny and trail of garbage, bodily fluids and residue.

Yesterday, it seems one 'social victim' got "mad as hell and wasn't going to take it anymore". And, Roger Stevens took matters into his own hands. Is Roger Stevens some kind of Folk Hero because of his action? Maybe. But, he's also in jail for his work.

Certainly, strangers should not be able to slap kids around for any reason. And, I'm pleased we have law prohibiting it with appropriate penalties.

Some would hope, however, that Mr. Stevens felony charge would be reduced to an infraction, a fine paid with an order to stay away from children, and perhaps a 12-step program, 'Slap Brats Anonymous' or some such. Sounds right to me. How about you?

John


Wednesday, September 2, 2009

On The Road Again with Sarah!

Our venerable heroin, former Governor of Alaska and failed GOP standard bearer for the Vice President's Office in 2008, Klondike Sarah Palin is on the road again. Only this time she's making some movies. Klondike Barbie will be lensing at least 2 'road' films. And, yes, they are comedies. The Road to Hong Kong is in production now with an all-star Asian supporting cast. Immediately following will be a yet untitled film, with the working title The Road to Asia.

After her recent photo shoot with Vanity Faire, Sarah and staff looked at over 1000 speaking engagement offers (according to Palin sources) and selected a Hong Kong venue as their first stop on a multi-legged political speaking tour. The Road to Hong Kong is billed as a comedic mocumentary by it's producers, CLSA, who brokered the deal. Palin's pay was not disclosed, but a source close to her provides that "well.....you couldn't get that roll of bills in a salmon's mouth, but it wouldn't choke a moose either" (This is Palin Camp folksy rhetoric from the Northern Exposure).

But we foresee some Perils for Palin in all this. Among it's many functions CLSA is a news organization known for it's blend of humor with legitimate news in a John Stewart kind of style. So, we want to caution 'the barbie' in all the hoopla she is getting in Hong Kong. It could be a big time 'set-up'. One unnamed source warned of a "Borat style 'ambush' practical joke. A spokesman for CLSA said it was impossible to ambush Palin because she's just plain delightfully dumb, with a political edge and would not understand it anyway. Accordingly, the humor is lost. "We prefer just showing her as she is, she will have people laughing in the streets by just being SARAH", according to the spokesman.

For the record, according to CLSA and polls, Palin has been a running joke in Asia for a long time. So, once again, we have entertainment and political news analysis coming together in The Road to Hong Kong.

Sarah, we want you to be very careful in Asia. We know you have 'MISTAKES' in your DNA and that you carry a dominate 'mistake prone' gene. So be very careful as we want to report on you for a long time to come. we need all the humor we can get these days. And you sure give it to us.

Not since Marie Wilson's radio show and subsequent television sitcom, My Friend Irma, have we had a real spacey-eyed, speech challenged dim-wit air-head capture the funny-bones of international audiences. Sarah Palin fits that bill.

Politics is entertainment and entertainment is politics. And the hilarious train-wreck that is Sarah Palin is testimony to this Statement.

......and th-th-that's all folks............

John

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

PAT ROBERTSON---700 Club---Disconnect

Part 1. Pat Robertson---The Evangelist

Today, televangelist Pat Robertson, 79, returned home to recuperate from 10 hours of surgery to repair a heart disorder. We wish you a speedy recovery, Pat, and hope you're back in the pulpit and hosting the 700 Club on TV very soon. We really do hope your recovery is full and complete, Pat.

Pat Robertson founded the Christian Broadcasting Network (CBN) in 1960. Today, the network airs religious programs in nearly 100 languages to more than 225 countries. It's flagship show, a talk show with Pat Robertson as host, reaches nearly one million people daily. Through the years Pat Robertson established a conglomerate of educational institutions, businesses and corporations which all seem to have one thing in common.....The glorification of Pat Robertson and money for Pat Robertson.

Pat Robertson found his religious compass through a Dutch Missionary, Cornelius Vanderbreggan in 1956.......and became an evangelist. Pat Robertson was ordained as a minister of The (fundamentalist/conservative) Southern Baptist Convention in 1961, which is somewhat curious because Pat Robertson portrayed a 'charismatic' bent which is not a Southern Baptist standard.

Through the years, Pat Robertson has claimed that God talks to him, and gives him privileged information. And, of course, he shares that information with we less privileged souls. Accordingly, Pat Robertson has predicted the end of the world (several times), nuclear Holocaust, world-wide famine, the return of Jesus, 'judgement' and a host of other things that did not materialize. When Pat Robertson's claims did not come to pass, he said that "God took mercy upon us and didn't do it". (Specific claims including dates and times can be found on Wikipedia and other reliable sources).

Meanwhile, Pat Robertson established the American Center for Law and Justice as a counter balance to The American Civil Liberties Union. He also founded CBN University in 1978, and The Pat Robertson School of Law soon followed. U.S. News and World Reports has consistently placed Robertson's school of law in the 4th tier of quality. In other words the bottom of the barrel of law schools. Still, this did not stop the Bush Administration from hiring many of their 'graduates' into the U.S. Department of Justice (under the hand of Dick Cheney and others) after a number of Justice Department lawyers were purged out of their jobs for political reasons.

In 1988, Pat Robertson made a failed political bid for the White House, running on a far right platform. Although unsuccessful on the political stage, Pat Robertson has influence and MONEY in the political arena. Pat Robertson also has a relationship to The Fox News network which is too complex for this writing. It is, however, a matter of public record easily investigated through Google, Wikipedia and FactCheck.org.

So, today Pat Robertson returned home to recuperate from his heart surgery and issued the following prepared statement: "Only the prayers of thousands of believing people kept me on this earth", Robertson said.

Pat Robertson is a man of extreme financial riches. He has amassed a fortune. He has Summer homes, winter homes, private jets, servants catering to his every want. Pat Robertson is an icon of capitalistic entrepreneurship.

How did all this happen? Part 2. tells the story. Read on............

Part 2. Pat Robertson--The Disconnect

Pat Robertson's cohort, former Vice President Dick Cheney, has been quoted as saying: "Fear is our strongest political currency".

It seems Pat Robertson used a similar mantra from the beginning of his evangelical career......'Fear is the strongest religious currency'.......

....and so it has been through the years. Pat Robertson has used the 'fear' with his rendition of 'Gods Word' to take a percent of income from the poor and in firmed for His work and Pat Robertson's financial fortune.

tune in for more very soon.................the above is just the beginning of what hypocrisy, greed and psyche-denial is all about.............


-J.