Thursday, April 1, 2010

Are Male Republicans Losing Their Masculinity? A Study: Sarah Palin and the Testosterone Connection Says "YES "!

It seems our 'gun tottin' Alaska Barbie (Sarah Palin) has another notch on her holster that won't be discussed much in conservative political circles or in Sunday schools along the possum pie eating Bible hiway.

A recent empirically controlled standardized medical study of 2000 Republican males between the ages of 24 and 59 (and who support Sarah Palin) determined their testosterone levels registered 300 points below the testosterone levels of men who support President Obama and Mitt Romney. Accordingly, medical standards in such tests provide these men are losing their masculinity in substantial numbers.

"This is not particularly surprising", Dr. Morton Seaman, chief medical officer of Johns-Hopkins and head of the study said. "There are direct connections between brain chemistry and sexual virility and activity, and when a male begins to consciously or subconsciously believe he is being emasculated, especially by a female, testosterone levels fall as does frequency of sexual enjoyment and accomplishment", he continued. "There is not much research in this area when a specific 'study-antagonist' is identified" he said. "...once in the 1970's when Phyliss Schafely and her gay sons were studied and a later study when Rosie O'Donnell volunteered to participate in a similar study giving a series of taped speeches designed to denigrate males. The 'Palin' affect, as Dr. Seaman calls it is particularly curious given sperm counts and velocity of the sperm itself. In normal males, sperm travel forward at racing speeds; but in the men suffering from the 'Palin Affect', their sperm was not only listless, but traveling backward and upside down....quite a phenomenon", according to Dr. Seaman.

Dr. Seaman also provided that because of this recent study a new sub-section will be added to The DSMR V when it's published next year: 'SEXUAL STOCKHOLM SYNDROME/INSIDIOUS PALIN AFFECT' will be a new diagnosable mental condition treated by therapy and medication.

When Sarah Palin was asked her thoughts about 'Sexual Stockholm Syndrome/insidious Palin Affect, she chirped, "God gives me direction in all foreign policy matters and those 'commies' over there in the Middle East better understand that when I'm president God will have them in her gun sights".

Meanwhile, men stricken with loss of their masculinity are leaving the 'Palin Camp' in droves. Some are in traditional therapy and others have enlisted in Christian Militias. A few 'men' remain with venerable Sarah, resigned to their fate.... docile, listless, doing the upside-down backstroke and giving Palin their money.

APRIL 1, 2010

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